been meaning to write for a while...
my birthday fast approaches and i feel like i've been through so much in the past few months.
emotional awakenings, physical ups and downs... i think sometimes that a lesser woman may have been brought to her knees by now.
is that conceited of me? somehow i think not. but i feel i should be cautious not to become over-confident in my ability to handle stress.
i've been feeling the need to start over and rebuild some things in my life. but in order to succeed i must first tear down all that i have built up in misconception.
never an easy task.
i am coming to terms with the fact that i have an incredibly hard time admitting i'm wrong. rather i just prefer to berate myself privately for not being a better mother, daughter, partner, etc. and in the end i resent those around me who "cause me to feel this way."
why not just say: i'm sorry. i totally fucked up. can we start over?
but sometimes the damage is already done. that is a tough one to handle. so now, as before, my lesson is patience.
but i have begun to make my apologies to those i feel i have wronged, either through action or through words. and i have begun making some apologies to myself as well. in realizing that i am still here and that the universe has a purpose for me, i can proceed knowing i'm on the right path. we are all human and our perception of reality is as individual as we are.
embracing that is worth all the heartache that love can cause.
that is what life is all about.
